Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
