I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
