I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
