How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
