Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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