Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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