Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
