Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
