can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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