My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
