There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
