i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
