you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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