she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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