In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
