if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
