I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
