I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
