I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
