Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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