I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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