so explain again why im purple
no
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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