dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
