How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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