Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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