Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
