Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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