You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's blow job season.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
