my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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