I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
