So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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