Can i not drive my cunt home
im holly from the hills drunk
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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