I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
