There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
