In the future we'll all be gay
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
