Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
