PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
