Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
