im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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