Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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