i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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