just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
