she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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