guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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