Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
