don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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