A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
