Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
there is puke in my bra ... again
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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