When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
