i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
