i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
